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Really ready for a fill

I struggled all day yesterday, I had protein shakes and good food but reached for the cookies at about 5pm, I ate loads, have no idea how many. Not sure why i'm doing this.

Was thinking earlier, in the past I have followed weight watchers and lost weight, when i'm doing that I eat far more than I am doing now, perhaps my meals should be bigger or my meals stay the same and I have a couple of snacks. I just don't know what to do.
I was really tired yesterday so that didn't help and with Isobel being ill I didn't get to the gym. Paul is working from home today so I could probably go later if I feel up to it, i'm booked to go saturday and sunday too (you have to book slots at my gym)

My scales aren't very good, I weighed in 3 times today and got 3 different weights 16.13/17.1/16.13, am wondering about buying new ones but think that that might fuel my weighing obsession, might try and not weigh for a few days or just use the scales at the gym.

Am debating about going to the monthly support group tomorrow. This is a group organised by a gastric bypass patient and takes place in a pub in Suffolk, wls isn't so widespread in the UK as it is in the US. I went last month, I met with a lady who wasn't banded yet and met the rest of the group, there were 2 bypass patients, one of which told me every single detail of every single surgery she'd ever had and then advised us on certain things that we would need to do/get/see Dr for, none of this was correct for banding patients. It really was a waste of time but apparently there are normally more people there including a couple of people with bands. AND if I go I get some child free time which i'm feeling like I really need! Am thinking of popping by the meeting for a bit and then going off somewhere else to read my book alone!

Talking of children, Isobel is much better and has gone back to school, she was very rude this morning so we're all really fed up, she seems to play up much much more when Paul is here, there was lots of shouting (Isobel) and lots of over reacting (Paul) and lots of sighing (me) George is managing to make me smile though, I've cut and pasted the following from facebook so the text is different, i'm just a lazy moo!

Yay, George is finally over his Mr Tumble obsession but has replaced it with the Teletubbies. He calls the Teletubbies eh-ot, I say "say teletubies" George "eh-ot" me "say tele" George "tele", me "say tubbies" George "tubbies" me "say Teletubbies" George "eh-ot!!!"

Same old same old.

Nothing to say at all, am same weight 16st 13lbs, (237 I think) have got back on the wagon. Was up half the night with Isobel who has terrible hay fever yesterday which somehow turned in to croup so we didn't get much sleep.

My first instinct when I came downstairs this morning was that I needed junk to keep me going, not sure why, think that I feel my lack of sleep is a legitimate excuse to stuff myself. Instead I had tea and then a couple of slices of toast. Had coffee out but only had a skinny latte and no pastry or cake to go with it, have since had a couple of sugar free boiled sweets but that is all. Will have a high protein lunch but might well try and get us all to nap first. Wish me luck on that!!

Tuesday blues

Tuesday is a horrible day so far and its not even 1230 yet!

Isobel was really playing up this morning, I think that I was stressed as George was back at nursery today and I knew that it would be hard to leave him as he wasn't very happy there. In fact yesterday he told me "I don't want to go to school" this is the boy that doesn't say very much at all, how sad that thats his first proper sentence!
It all ended with Isobel and I having an arguement and me shouting at her, I swear she enjoys getting a rise out of me. I feel ashamed of my behaviour now, I don't know why I allow her to wind me up, she's 5!!

My food choices were not that good yesterday, I had a craving for sweet food, I gave in to that, thought that it could be due to my period but i'm not sure if I didn't convince myself that I needed it and the period was my excuse!

The scales shocked me by saying 16st 11 lb's, which is my lowest ever and unlikely, I jumped on again and it went back to the more familiar 16st 13lbs (237 lbs), tried again and same so guess thats what I am.

I have been back to the gym, i've been 4 times I think. I even went this morning, as soon as I walked out of there I had a call from George's nursery saying that he's very upset and could I come and get him so the gym is about all I accomplished this morning!
Hope everyone is having a better day than me!! xx

Sunday morning

I never feel like I get enough sleep, its like a permanent hangover when I've drank nothing at all!

I'm up early with Isobel so the boys can sleep on. Nothing very exciting is happening, yesterday I didn't stop all day, we had a swimming lesson and then a party for Isobel to attend and then friends over and finally Paul, Isobel and I had a cinema night with candy floss and popcorn, I don't really like either but as they were there I did eat some.

I didn't get the chance to eat all day so ended up eating a fair bit last night, I had a chicken salad with pita bread and olives, I love olives, I guess that they aren't that good for you are they? These were stuffed with jalapeno peppers and were amazing. After eating that and then shortly after the popcorn I got a pain in my left shoulder, I had it the other night too after I ate, its almost like a wind pain, its odd but I have heard others talk about it.

I know that I need to address the amount that I eat, I guess when i've had a fill (or 2) my body will force me too, for the most part it was quite healthy, more salad than anything but I felt uncomfortably full afterwards.

Scales aren't great today, 17st (238 lbs), but i'm ok with this, I think that its probably a reaction to eating fairly late and TOM is due any time which I know was responsible for me inhaling chocolate the other night.
I'm off to the gym this morning and am thinking about walking there, I live right by a river and can walk along it to the gym, its about a 30-40 minute walk each way, its just started raining here though so will see how it is later.
I have another party to take Isobel too later, Izzy goes to an all girls school, this is her first year and her class has 18 in it, so far everyone has invited everyone to the whole class which is lovely but its time consuming and expensive. It also seems to me that each party gets slightly more fantastic each time, yesterdays party must have cost at least £700 (over $1000) this is for 5 year olds!

Have a lovely day all x

This really is the best of a bad lot. It was a cold day and Paul refused to let George wear the shorts and long socks, i'll take a picture when he wears them.

Happy 4 week (and 1 day) bandiversary to me

Forgot that yesterday was my band's anniversary, we've been as one for 4 weeks now. I feel completely normal now, first few days were rough but its like it never really happened now.

I'm just uploading George's first day at school picture. Paul took some before school and before he had brushed George's hair and quite frankly they are awful, in the first one he's bearing his teeth and has slight red eye, he looks evil. So, I took some more when he got home, they are ok, better than the first lot anyway. He enjoyed nursery but got a bit upset towards the end (to be fair he's 3 in September and he's never been left with anyone other than me and Paul and my best friend once or twice but we see her a couple of times a week and I think that he prefers her to me! ) He gave me the biggest hug and smile when I got there, it was lovely.

Went out for dinner and didn't tell my friend, her partner was there too which is no problem, I love her too, they are both quite overweight so I know that they would understand to a degree, they might not agree with surgery but they will understand how I feel. Lapbands aren't really that well know about over here, I'd read the odd article before I started researching it but didn't really know much. I felt that the whole evening would be spend explaining it and answering questions when really I just wanted to eat!
My food choices weren't the best but i'm ok with that, goats cheese stuffed chicken with pesto which was amazing followed by eton mess which was lovely too. The scales were up half a pound, so today i'm back to 16 st 13 lbs (237 pounds) thats ok too.

Oh, a little NSV too, got a text from Alyson last night saying "We both thought you looked very lovely this evening" How great is my friend?

Hope everyone has a great Friday xx

We're at an all time low folks!

Well my chicken diet must be working, i've finally broken under 16st 13 (237) today I was 16st 12.5 (236.5) Its only half a pound but I will take it!

Terrible nights sleep here, George woke at 4am crying, took a minute to settle and i've been awake since then, got up half an hour ago, did some chores and here I am (its 5.30am here)
Its a big day for us, George (2 and a half) starts nursery today, I know that he will be fine and will really enjoy himself but I think i'm a little anxious about it. I'm really anxious about remembering to take everything, the last 2 days i've forgotten bits for Isobel to take to school, its getting that bad that apparently Isobel (5) discussed it with her teacher and they decided that I ought to have a list! I'd only forget the list so its pretty pointless.

I'm going to go to the gym this morning, I went for the first time back on Sunday, it was ok, there were a couple of stomach crunch type exercises that caused pain in my port so I will avoid them this time, thats if I can keep myself awake.

Am going out to dinner tonight with a very good friend, she doesn't know about my band (only my husband and best friend do) Alyson is a great friend, she's also George's godmother so we are very close. I'm wondering if I should tell her about the band, I don't think that she would judge me and I think that she would be ok about it but I know that it will dominate the evening and I don't know if I want that, will see how I feel later.
Wonder if I'll still be 16st 12 lb's after dinner out?

Am just teasing myself watching a cookery program, its presented by Sophie Dahl who is as skinny as could be, she's going on about how she loves to eat all this calorific food, not sure that I buy it.

Have a wonderful day all, will post pictures of Georgie in his uniform.

Did you hear the one about the vegetarian?

Who, since being banded can't get enough of chicken?

Not sure what is happening to me! I've not eaten meat in about 9 years and I can honestly say its never really bothered me. I spoke to Paul before the op and said that I may consider eating chicken as my diet is normally low in protein. Now, I just can't get enough of it, i'm eating chicken in a salad for lunch now. Don't think i'll eat red meat but you just never know!

Thank you everyone who commented yesterday, it is very early in my journey and I know that it will get better. I have my first fill booked for the 13th of May, 3 weeks tomorrow!

Did really well yesterday, ate high protein/low fat, no chocolate, biscuits or crisps (chips), am doing the same so far today and feel good about it. Am back to my all time low of 16 st 13 lbs, 237 lbs. Can't wait to get under this weight, the scales haven't moved downwards in almost 3 weeks!

Have a good day all.

Today I turn over a new leaf

Sorry i've not updated for ages, firstly my life is quite dull! and secondly my eating has been awful.

I'm meant to be on mushy foods, i'm not sticking to that and am eating anything and everything, most of what I eat is quite mushy I suppose so its not the end of the world but i've been eating lots of biscuits and chocolate too, lots of it. I don't know whats gone wrong in my head, I do think that not loosing any weight isn't helping but i'm like a woman possessed.

So, from today i'm going to follow the rules, i'm also reintroducing protein shakes, although I don't really like them I found that I could stick to them quite easily and I wasn't very hungry so i've had one for breakfast with a banana, will have a ww ready meal for lunch and maybe the same for dinner but will have a couple more protein shakes during to day if I feel I need them.

I don't feel that I have any restriction, my provider doesn't put any fluid in the band when its fitted, I could feel a little full feeling, probably still a little swollen.

Other than that, Isobel has gone back to school today! Yay!!! George starts nursery on Thursday, he's only doing 2 mornings a week but has to wear a uniform, I'll be sure to post some pictures on my blog he has to wear tailored shorts and knee high socks!
Hope that everyone is well.

3 week bandiversary

Haven't updated my blog for a while, simply because there isn't much to say, kids still of school and i'm still mainly refereeing their fights!

I start mushies/puree foods today, I've been introducing mushier foods for a few days, have been having wheatabix for breakfast for a week or so and didn't bother pureeing any small lumps in soup. Went a bit mad yesterday afternoon and ate chocolate and some biscuits, not sure why I did it, had a little curry and brown rice for dinner, ate a 3rd of it and then felt truly awful for a couple of hours due to the junk i'd already eaten, hopefully i've learnt my lesson.

Have just had scrambled egg for lunch, I had it with a piece of toast that I let the egg make soggy before I ate it, I added a little cheese and a tomato and feel stuffed now.

Still no movement on the scales other than up a pound down a pound, am ok with it now, guess it might change now that i'm on mushy food, am going to go back to the gym at the weekend which might help.

changing taste's?

Happy Sunday all! My horrible kids had me up so early i'm not sure that any of this will make and sense!

Have been meaning to blog about this for ages, about a week post op I had some chocolate mousse, it didn't taste of anything, I gave it to Paul, he said it was fine. I've had a couple more, they've not tasted of that much either, its like I can smell the chocolate but not really taste it. Last night I had some easter egg chocolate and again it tasted of nothing. Obviously being a fat pig, I soldiered on just incase I could taste anything but it really didn't! Whats going on, did anyone find that their tastes changed so dramatically?

It could be that uping my calories might be working, today I was 16st 13 lbs, 237 pounds. This is my lowest weight and i've been here several times over the last week, will see what tomorrow brings.

My friend posted this on facebook, thought I would do mine here.

5 things we don't know about you
========================

I love Morrissey, I think that I would quite happily marry him if he asked, Obviously Paul would just need to share me. This is unlikely to happen as he's gay and a bit of a misery!

I really fancy living in the USA for a bit, this is unlikely as the way we would move would be via Paul's job (he's an accountant) and he works for a very large UK company who's name begins with British so its most unlikely they'll be sending him anywhere.

My daughter goes to a private school, there are lots of "yummy mummy" types there, I feel that I really don't fit in at all and really don't enjoy drop off's and pick ups.

I'm really proud of my husband (despite wanting to marry Morrissey!) he's just got a promotion and he works so hard but is a bit of a worrier and sometimes can't see that he does a fantastic job. He's got an "outstanding" in his last few appraisals, he's great.

I can't imagine that I will ever work again. I always worked, I worked for a large shipping company in supply chain management, I did a good job. Having been a stay at home mum for over 5 years I can't imagine that anyone would want to employ me, I feel like my brain slipped out of my ear and I mainly spend my time trying to keep the house clean and tidy (and generally fail) and stopping my children fighting!

Happy Saturday all!

Firstly, thanks so much for all your kind comments yesterday. It means so much that people take the time to read and comment on the drivel that I write! I know that everyone goes through the same thing at the begining of their lapband journey, just didn't think it would happen to me!
I've upped my calories, I had about 1000 yesterday and will be about the same today, have been out all day so my cals are quite low at the moment (its 7pm here) but i'm going to have some of the Easter egg my mil bought me (she doesn't know about the band)

I'm down a pound today, 17st dead. 238 lbs.

I remembered that I didn't say anything about the WLS support group I attended last week. This was a group that was organised by WLS patients and held once a month in a pub. I also arranged to meet a lady I spoke to on a UK forum there. Met Helen, she was lovely, she was being banded in Belgium on the Wednesday after we met and was nervous and needed some reasurance.
Arrived at the pub and found Helen, we then found the support group, there were 2 people there, both bypass patients, they were both very nice. One of them didn't stop talking about her ailments (which were many!) and gave us lots of advice that didn't really apply so it was pretty pointless to be honest, however, it was nice to be out in public talking about the band as only my husband and best friend know about it so apart from on here I don't really talk about it at all. I will go along again I think, apparently there are normally more people there so we'll see who turns up next time!

Am thinking about going back to the gym soon, i'm only just over 2 weeks post op but feel pretty much ok, my gym is called gymophobics, its like a Curves gym I think so its not overly hard. Thought I might give it another week and then go along for a session and see how it goes.

Hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend, thanks again for the support, not sure what I would do without you!!!

Not very happy

I know that I am 15 days post op, I know that this is a time I should be healing and not worrying about loosing weight, I know that the band isn't really "switched on" yet as its empty but why aren't I loosing weight?????

I'm eating about 800 cals a day, i'm starting to get hungrier but i'm managing it, i'm sticking to liquids as instructed, i'm not constipated so why are am I 2 pounds heavier today than yesterday? I've lost nothing in over a week and the same 2 pounds keep going on and coming off.

In the past when I have dieted its when the weight stops coming off that I start eating, i'm not going to do this now but it is so dispiriting. This operation cost us £8,000 no way am I going to do anything to jeapadise it but its just so unfair!

Yesterday I ate:

Protein shake 125 cals
w banana 75 cals
soup 100 cals
soup 250 cals
apple 60 cals
choc mousse 120 cals
milk 100 cals

total 830 cals

My first fill is on the 13th of May, i'm on liquids for another 5 days. Then mush.
whinge whinge moan moan (I think i'm turning in to my kids!!)

Its all out warfare folks!

Don't you just love school holidays? Isobel (5) is off school for 3 weeks and 1 day, George (2.5) starts nursery 2 mornings a week in 2 weeks time. They seem to have decided that this holiday is perfect for them to constantly fight, all the time. I'm so over motherhood!

It starts with Isobel playing with something (she does mad imaginative play with allsorts of stuff) George takes something, she shouts (always) hey, I had that, he won't give it back, she grabs him he hits her she hits him, they both cry and scream and whinge alot.

My husband is back at work so yesterday was my first solo day with them since before surgery. We had quite a nice day, went to the zoo for most of the day, was lovely weather in England for a change, but today its 11.30 am and we're just recovering from fight number 4!!

Nothing exciting other than the fighting, I've been 17 st again for the last couple of days, no reason although i've not been that hungry so haven't eaten that much and yesterday I didn't drink much so that could be the problem, i'm not overly worried, i'm sticking to liquids ok and tomorrow will be my 2 week anniversary so only one more week of fluids to go.

Yay, another tantrum!!

Nanny McPhee and avoiding chocolate

Hello all,

Husband off work today so met up with a friend and went to the cinema with our daughters. R is a good friend but doesn't know about my band, I feel a bit guilty about it but she confided in me a couple of months ago that she has suffered with bulimia and that I should "watch her" to make sure that she's eating as her husband knows nothing about it. I think that she has lost weight recently, she mentions food and weight loss alot and I think that if she knew about my band she would be quite competitive and while that wouldn't bother me it would probably harm her.
Anyway, I saw her today and she was raving about how much weight i've lost, i've not seen her for a couple of weeks. My husband also mentioned that I had lost weight today which is really nice to hear.
We went to see Nanny McPhee, I've not seen the first one but really enjoyed it, I cried at the end. I managed not to eat popcorn, chocolate or sweets at all, I got a tall skinny latte from Costa to take in with me and that was enough for. My house is full of chocolate, my mother in law sent the kids home with about 25 eggs, most of the them quite small and fondant filled but still, 25 each!! I've managed to not nibble at all, go me!

My daughter is off school for 2 more weeks, Paul back at work tomorrow so I need to really have a think about possible activities or I will be climbing the walls!

I need to take my dressings off my wound, the steri strips are stuck tight and i'm dreading it, will soak them in the bath but i'm scared! They should have come off yesterday, I really must get them off tonight.

The scale was very kind this morning, i'm down to 16st 13 lbs (and 3/4's) which is 237 (and 3/4's) lbs. I'm really hoping that I never see 17 stones on the scale again.

Thomas, Isobel and I

Should really have cropped this but haven't. Note that I like this picture as Isobel is stood infront of me and Thomas is way bigger than I am!!!

Just a test

This is George on Thomas pulling faces at his Father through the window. Just adding it to test if it works!

Happy Easter!!

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

Have had a really nice day out to see and ride on Thomas with my husband and children today, we had a good time, it didn't rain and the kids were pretty well behaved, we rode on Thomas, Toby, Daisy and Percy.
Its all run by volunteers so I dropped them and e-mail when we got home to say what a lovely time we had had, they replied thanking me for taking the time to do so as it means alot to them and I feel all warm and fluffy now.

Have made good food choices today, Banana shake with a banana blended in for breakfast and mexican chicken soup for late lunch/dinner, was lovely and had lots of protein in, will have a low fat chocolate mousse soon as my way of celebrating Easter.

Have some photos to post but need to work out how to do it! I'm not good with technology!

They're back!

Morning all,

My lovely family came back yesterday, it was odd without them although I quite enjoyed it but its great to have them back even though my daughter is making me watch Hannah Montanna!

Scale news isn't great, they are steadily climbing, i'm up a couple of pounds on my lowest, have no idea why, not eating enough? eating too much? I'm probably taking about 800 cals a day. I now weigh 17st 2 lbs, 240 lbs.

Band news, i'm going to a wls support group this afternoon, although I can't be sure that its actually on, its a patient arranged meeting in a pub about half an hour from here, have e-mailed but had no reply so it doesn't look great but will go along and see as i'm also meeting a lady a "talked" to on a UK forum who has her op on Wednesday.

Happy easter all!

Happy birthday band

I was banded one week ago today! Feels like quite a long time ago now, all seems to be healing well and i'm very happy that its over. My stomach muscles have been quite sore and crampy lately but nothing I can't handle.

Went out for a 30 minute walk earlier, I live in a tiny village but its quite pretty, I had my itouch on which made the time go quicker, it also meant that I ignored some of my neighbours as by the time i'd managed to turn the thing off they'd gone! Still, it meant that I had music to keep my company, mainly Morrissey (I love love love Morrissey), the Killers (I love Brandon Flowers too) with a little Lily Allen and a tiny bit of Joni Mitchell (oh my goodness i'm turning in to my Father!!)

Paul and the children are back tomorrow, I thought that I might be really lonely but actually i've really enjoyed being here alone, normally I have deadlines of some kind, school drop off/pick up, bath time, bed time, dinner time, paul returning from work etc but I have none at the moment and I love it! Still i'll be really pleased to see them all, I have spoken to them all on the telephone serveral times a day.

We don't have much planned for this weekend but on Sunday we're taking George (2 and a half) to meet and ride on Thomas the Tank Engine, I think he'll love it and will be beyond excited but you never know, I hope that he'll love it anyway. Will try and take some pictures and upload them to my blog although I have no idea how to do it!

The scale was a pound up today, i'm not worried, its just a blip and I know that my weight loss will start to slow down, i'm taking in about 800 cals a day now.

Happy Thursday everyone!