Paranoid fill

Thanks for all your comments on my 50 pounds down post, I'm still there! Will not mention anything about my birthday goal!

I went for a fill yesterday, was talking to a nice lady who was there for an unfill, her band had suddenly tightened and she was in a lot of pain and discomfort, I let her go ahead of me but by the time I was in with the nurse I was paranoid about being overfull too. The company are only in London once a week and I have no idea where I would need to go get an unfill, A&E wouldn't do a thing. I'd intended to ask for either .1 or .25 of a cc, the nurse said that she's put in .5, we did that and I think that I felt a little gurgling so reduced it to .4, I think that it would have been fine, it was just going down slowly but I don't really know how it feels when it is too full and I was in full paranoid mode. I think that 0.4 will do just fine.

They were really pleased with my weight loss and said I was a star pupil! Am very happy.

Isobel had her educational psychologist appointment yesterday, we all went to take her, the lady was very nice and Isobel was very at ease with her so we went off and left them to it. I wasn't there when Paul collected her and we won't know too much until we get the full report but she didn't say that she had an ism and I'm very happy about that. She did say that Izzy feel a lot of internal pressure to perform at school and she also feels a lot of pressure within herself to mother George (I find this bit astounding) as she's the oldest. She said that she has a reading age of 10.5 (she's 6). The ed psych said that she was very interesting as where she is hugely advanced in some areas in others she is average and that would be extremely frustrating for her. I'm so happy that its over for now, am a little scared of the report but I'll get over it.

Hope that everyone has a good weekend, I'm going to the gym, taking Izzy for a haircut and then visiting one of her school friends so the girls can play and Raquel and I can chat, will be really nice, the boys are going to play with George's new football. Not sure what is happening beyond that.

50 down!

The scale said 14st 7lbs (203 lbs) today, I'm really happy with that, I saw it last week and then gained some back! That means I am down a total of 50 pounds, its my 11 month bandiversary on Friday, would love to loose another pound, I have a fill in the afternoon.

Went back to the gym today, my first visit in 11 days due to the kids being ill or off school, it felt really quite hard, I'm fighting off a cold and didn't sleep well last night so I'm sure that that didn't help.

Its my birthday soon and I'd so love to be under 200 lbs for it, as soon as I make statements like this I go off the rails so I'm not going to dwell on it too much, I have 2 weeks to loose 4 pounds, you'd think that that would be easy, wouldn't you?

Nothing else happening at all, got a new m&s skirt which I won on ebay, it looked to me like it wouldn't fit, its a UK 18, but it fits really well, I'm very happy with it.

Izzy is back tomorrow, I've missed her so much, poor thing has to have one of her front teeth pulled out in the afternoon, really hope that its painless.

Happy Wednesday all.

A shocking revelation

How is everyone today? My thoughts are with the people of New Zealand, the destruction after the earthquake is devastating, I really hope that many more people are found alive.

Nothing very exciting happening here, Paul has been really quite ill with flu, proper sweaty, headachey, achey flu. Today he is suddenly back to normal and doesn't seem to be ill at all, its been so miraculous that I'm wondering if he was faking it!

Izzy is away at her grandparents and is having a fantastic time, I really miss her, I really hope that she behaves once she's back, she behaves with my in laws but gets so indulged by having 2 adults hanging on her every word that she can be a pain when she returns.

We took George to see the Yogi bear film at the cinema today, he loved it and is insisting on being called Boo Boo, this is an improvement, earlier in the week he would only answer to Sebastian (after a character on Mr Blooms Nursery for any UK based parents of toddlers) Paul went to see the film with him and I went shopping, mainly for some alone time. I was looking at clothes, I saw a couple of things I liked in a shop with no dressing room, I didn't want to buy without trying as this shopping centre is a fair few miles from home. I look at items of clothing in the size that I know I currently am and can't imagine them actually fitting, still it saved me lots of money.

Have slipped in to weighing each day, bad I know but only once a day so far, today I weighed in at 14st 8lbs (204 lbs)

My shocking revelation is that I can live without eating chocolate everyday, I have pretty much always had chocolate every evening, probably quite often too much. The last few nights I have been eating grapes and yoghurt and this is satisfying my need for something sweet and I think that its really helping with my weight loss.

I am going for my fill on Friday, Isobel does have the educational psychologist appointment and I won't be there to pick her up, Paul will, he'll have to take George but its not the end of the world and he can relay anything said to me, the ed psych will provide a full report so I don't need to be there.

Hope that everyone is well

sorry,

I can't believe that its been a whole week, sorry.

Things have been crazy, George has been ill and off school, Isobel broke up from school on Wednesday and now Paul is ill. I have also discovered the Charlaine Harris Stookie Stackhouse books and every spare moment is spent with my head stuck in a book, it's seriously getting in the way of my internet time and lets not even think about the housework!

Food has been up and down, good one day, bad the next, I'm ashamed to admit that the scale said 14st 10 again today (206 lbs) will I ever get away from this number? It's my totm just now which could have effected this but I don't think it normally does, I normally get quite tight and I haven't so I know that I need a fill. I'm meant to have a fill on Friday but because Isobel's ed psych appointment got moved I don't think I can get there and I don't know when I am going to be able to go, I'm going to try and do my best to keep the appointment, will talk to Paul when he's better.

Poor Paul has flu, proper flu not man flu, I didn't quite believe it at first as 0ddly it started when I came home from being out all afternoon, but overnight he's been really ill, hot then cold, shivery and hallucinating, there have been other side effects that you really don't want me to share!

Isobel is going to stay with my in laws, Paul was taking her today (its a 3 hour drive) so I'm going to have to drive down there with both kids in tow and then come straight back as I can't leave Paul for very long. Can hardly wait!

Isobel has another abscess on her front tooth (it was damaged in a fall at nursery about 3 years ago and has suddenly started playing up) took her to the dentist yesterday and she needs to have it taken out next week, poor thing, she's great about doing to the dentist, really hope that this doesn't put her off.

Haven't even read any blogs this week, am going to have a quick catch up now, I've missed you all!

Weigh in day

This morning the scale said 14st 8lbs (204 lbs) so up a bit from Wednesday but I guess that its all natural fluctuations. I'm ok, won't weigh again until next Saturday, I promise.

Just about to go off to the gym, terrible night as George has picked up a vomiting bug, lovely! Was very ill last night, had to get up with him about 5 times around 11-midnight as he kept coughing, this morning he is full of beans! Its really amazing. He woke me crying at about 7am, I went in and he said that he wanted to go to the zoo!

Just hoping that everyone else doesn't catch it.

And, wondering why we have white/cream carpets upstairs?

Have a wonderful weekend lovelies.

Odd feelings

As you all know I've been having a bit of a nightmare with my daughter (this isn't about her thank goodness!) recently and have been quite stressed and anxious.

Yesterday I was driving somewhere and I felt quite scared and panicked about loosing more weight, I felt like I shouldn't. It sounds really odd, I think its because to some degree I hide behind my weight and felt panicked about being without it, very odd.

Eating wasn't great yesterday, some chips and some chocolate, quite a lot of both actually, but I'm ok now, I went to the gym this morning, have eaten really well and am kind of looking forward to my official weigh in tomorrow.

Operation mean Mummy is on going, not sure how much effect it is having so far although she was very nice yesterday afternoon as George had gone for a play date with a friend who is one of her favourite friends brother, she was pleased to see them both when they got back and seemed a little more tollerent than usual. Tonight she is missing 2 activities so she may well be more of a pain, lets just see.

The Ed Psych called yesterday to say that she has messed her holiday flights up which means the appointment has been delayed by a week. I have a little less faith in her now!

Update

Thanks for your comments on my post yesterday, its very kind of you to take the time.

We had the meeting with the head teacher today, was ok, told them that I thought it had got to the stage that we had to remove her. HT said she was very sad and she "loved Isobel to bits" we talked for a while about incidents and stratergies and it was all very positive. We've agreed to go ahead with the ed psych, HT says that she feels that there is nothing "wrong" with Isobel but there could be something that ed psych could uncover. She agreed with our decision to take away all of Isobel's activities until she earns them back and is going to have a chat with Isobel and tell her that she agree's with our decision that she shouldn't go on the school trip next week.

So, really we have this half term to see a difference and if there is no difference we will give a terms notice.

I don't believe that she is ADD or ADHD, concentration is not a problem for her, she just seems to think that she's in charge, she really needs a teacher who is very very strict.

I'm ok, still very stressed but have managed to eat today, still feel like I can feel my band.

I'm not much of a stress eater thankfully, at least not so far! My friend bought me chocolate and biscuits, I had a biscuit as I thought I should but I'm not bothered. My calories were quite low yesterday so I'm not bothered if I go over a little today.

Thanks again for all your comments, it means a lot.

Well, she's really gone and done it now.

I'm sorry for spouting on about issues with my daughter, I don't really have any other way of getting it out and I feel that if I don't write it down I will explode.

Was spoken to be her teacher after school today (in front of other parents) saying that she'd not had a good day, she refused to do the work, scribbled on the table and then CUT SOME ONE'S HAIR! Seems that she had been a pain all day. I am livid, angrier than I have ever been.

She was sent to her bedroom when we got in, she ate her dinner there and is now in bed, she has cried for 2 hours, she's cried for herself though, not for what she's done.

I am not blaming the school at all, Isobel is responsible for her own actions but the way that the teacher spoke it was no big deal, It's an enormous deal for me, I spoke to the parent of the girl and apologised, she was really nice about it but told me that Isobel has been pushing and spiting at the girl, SPITING!

I've told Isobel that she is doing nothing in future, no karate, no beavers, no school trips, no parties, no treats after school. Nothing at all. I've also told her that she is leaving that school, this is why she is most upset, I feel that now we have no choice, its been going on for far too long, from the minute she started in fact, I think that she's been allowed to get away with too much, she seems to think that she is in charge, I don't blame the school as such, its nice that they're kind and sweet with them but she needs more, she is a very challenging child, I just don't know what to do.

I'm also cancelling the bloody educational psychologist, Izzy would love 3 hours of one to one attention and I really don't think it would get us very far.

My plan is that I'm seeing the headteacher in the morning and telling her that enough is enough and she's leaving. The school where George will go has a place for her (at least the did a few months ago, I'm sure that they still do) so that is a possibility. I wouldn't mind trying a state school for a while (her current school is private and expensive) maybe just to give her a shock, I just don't know. Although, getting a state school place seems to be really complicated.

I feel so ashamed of her, I just can't believe the behavior I'm hearing about. I feel embarrassed, I would imagine that if she behaves like this a lot all the mothers are gossiping about us. Isobel has a behaviour book which more often than not has smiley face stickers in it meaning that she's had a good day, I don't think that I believe this anymore.

I really feel like this is my fault, we give her everything we can in terms of a good school, nice clothes, trips out and she deserves none of it.

No need to reply, I just don't know what to do. I'm so stressed that I had feel my band, feels like its clamped shut!

Forgive me for I have sinned.

Firstly, thank you for all your child rearing advice, I can't imagine calling Supernanny! Oddly enough Izzy loves the program and acts all outraged about the behaviour! I try and avoid her watching it in case she gets ideas!

She seems to be going through a horrid phase, lets hope that it doesn't last, we're seeing the educational psychologist next week so lets see what she has to say.

The sinning bit is that this morning I weighed, I knew that I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't help myself, it was good, a new low, I weighed 14st 7lbs (203 lbs) exactly 50 pounds down! Am very pleased, I owe it all (well, my recent progress) to myfitnesspal (and Rachel for posting about it) I won't weigh again until Saturday and will pray that I stay at this weigh or even lower which would be great.

George and I have been to the zoo today to see his favorite baby monkey. We walked and stood around for almost 3 hours, I have claimed 90 minutes walking at v slow speed on myfitnesspal and according to that I used 345 calories, sounds too good to be true?

Anyway, hope everyone is well, off to read some blogs before school run time!

Back to school today!

Izzy seems to be better and has gone back to school, I am relieved, she was pretty horrible yesterday, being a typical 6 year old I guess but she is ghastly to George all the time, just really horrible, I wonder if there is something wrong, we're still getting all this everyone hates me all the time, gah I'm so over being a parent.

When I sit and talk to her about it she gets very defensive and blames everything on George, even when he's not involved at all, its getting too much now.

I was cross this morning after yesterday that I could barely look at her. I feel like the worst mother in the world, I just don't know how to deal with it.

Anyway, parenting woes aside, eating is going well and I'm managing some walking, did half an hour mostly running yesterday with kids on their bikes, then they both fell of within 40 seconds of each other, dreadful! Today my car was being cleaned so I walked around town whilst waiting for it, must have walked for at least 2 hours, am quite tired now. Car is looking great, I'm loathed to let the kids back in to it as they'll mess it up!

Still finding that the scale is calling me! I've not crumbled and haven't weighed since Sunday, am really hoping for a good number on Saturday.

Off to catch up, hope that everyone is well.

A first

Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't stand on the scale first thing this morning, it was really tempting as I'd had a good day yesterday but I didn't.

Isobel isn't going to school today, we all went to the zoo yesterday but she really wasn't well and we ended up leaving early, she's her normal self when she's laying on the sofa but the minute you get her moving she just flops. George is going, he just told me that he didn't want to go as he doesn't like school, I said that he was going and he told me that his throat hurt and started coughing! He's 3 and a complete drama queen.

Paul still has the manflu and is working from home today, hopefully this will allow me to leave Izzy here with him and go for a walk today, everything I do at the moment is to please myfitnesspal! I'm obsessed.

Today will be filled with sick people, housework and tearing my hair out! Can hardly wait!

Have a good day all x

myfitnesspal says

If every day were like today... You'd weigh 193.2 lbs in 5 weeks

How fantastic would that be, also, I'm liking this font! Easily pleased, me.

Huge thanks to Rachel

Lovely Rachel at http://www.blogger.com/profile/10594536445697602339 talked about myfitnesspal.com, I'm very grateful, at least I was until I made it go red yesterday when I input my food!

(I don't know how to do the hyperlink thing, must learn!)

Yesterday started off well, gym, myfitnesspal said that I burned 200 cals from my circuit workout, I'm not really sure about that but I entered it under a curves workout and I think that its pretty similar. I ate well, took the kids to the cinema leaving manflu at home, was ok but Isobel was very floppy and hot by the time we got there and I was regretting taking her, I'd driven to a cinema 40 minutes away where we could park outside. Finally got them in and I think that her medicine started to work and she had some popcorn and blueberries (together??!) and that seemed to perk her up. We saw Tangled, it was quite good.

There is a shopping centre by the cinema and there is a Cadbury's shop there (can you tell where I'm going with this?) I'd promised the kids that we could go so, £10 later and a carrier bag of chocolate some of which was eaten on the way home. I was being pretty good until George decided that he didn't want the mini eggs I'd given him, what is a Mummy to do? Scoff the lot of course!

We had lovely sausage and mash for dinner, I never eat food like this, I didn't have huge amounts but it was really nice, I then had to have a little ice cream and there might have been more chocolate so myfitnesspal was bright red and probably very cross with me, however, I'm ok with it, will do much better today, honest myfitnesspal!

Scale was up today, no surprise! I'm going to challenge myself to weigh in once a week only, my weigh in day will be Saturday as it was lower than today. I promise that my tootsies will not touch the scale until next Saturday morning, anyone fancy joining me?

Anything exciting happening today? We normally go to the church family service but as Paul and Izzy are both full of cold/manflu and most of the congregation are over 70 I think that its best that we keep away, would hate to pass it on to anyone.

I'm off to the gym shortly, then I'm going to scour the house for stuff to put in my enormous skip then after lunch I'm taking George to the zoo, manflu and Izzy can come if they feel up to it, its funny weather here, not at all cold, about 14c today (57f) but very windy, not lip gloss wearing weather!

Have a lovely Sunday all x

Happy Saturday all

from the house of illness, Izzy has a cold and Paul seems to have a severe case of manflu. I'm not very of him when he's ill, Isobel is dealing with it much better than he is, we've left the poor love in bed.

So, its looking like swimming will be postponed and my leg hair can stay intact! As Tina says, I need it for warmth, wonder if the scale will show a loss once I shave it!

A very clever blogger (who's name escapes me and who's blog I just can't find, I'm so sorry) posted about myfitnesspal.com yesterday, she was saying how since logging what she's eating she's loosing weight. Her post was similar to mine yesterday so I thought I'd go and take a look at it and its fantastic. Really worth a look, they also have an iphone app.

According to it in order for me to loose 2 pounds a week I need to eat no more than 1200 cals a day, this seems low to me but once I'd cut out snacks and logged what I actually ate it was fine.

I debated weighing in today, especially as I'd weighed last night (I know) and it indicated that today would show no loss (generally about 2 pounds lighter the next morning) I couldn't help myself and stood on the scale, today I weighed 14st 9lbs, (205 pounds) so a pound down from yesterday. This is great but I know that all the weighing messes up my head, perhaps we should have a no weigh challenge! It's so hard.

Anyway, off to get manflu up so he can watch the kids whilst I go to the gym, have a wonderful weekend all.

It isn't rocket science

Well, what do you know, when you eat less you loose weight! It's a revelation!

Yesterday I had a really good day, no snacking, 3 smallish nutritious meals, some exercise (emptying the garden rubbish in to the skip and 2 hours walking around the zoo with George) and this morning the scale was 3 pounds down! I'm now back at 14st 10 (206) 2 higher than my lowest.

I've realised that I was snacking too much before and getting away with it so it almost felt normal but then suddenly gained 3 pounds. I gained the 3 pounds because I ate too much/rubbish. So there you have it, my blog posts for the last week have been me feeling terribly sorry for myself when actually it was all deserved.

The skip is still outside and my scale is still in the bathroom, not sure that we can be parted at the moment, will keep thinking about it.

Thank you for all the vibes and prayers for my sister, the 3 are still doing well (grade 2/3 from a scale of 1 to 6, 1 being very good) 1 will be implanted tomorrow, will keep you all updated, please keep your fingers crossed.

Any exciting plans for the weekend? Not much happening here, if Izzy is a good girl we are going to see Tangled on Saturday and swimming on Sunday, really ought to shave my legs or they'll think that a yeti just entered the pool!

Chicken with broccoli and cauliflower for lunch, think that cauliflower is becoming a problem for me.

Have a wonderful day x

It's still here

In the bathroom mocking me, it gave me an extra pound this morning too! Horrible scale! Could have been as I ate lots of chocolate yesterday I guess. I'm now 5 pounds over my lowest of last week, bizarre.

Anyway, feeling ok today, went to the gym this morning to find that one of the circuits is broken so didn't work out as there were at least 15 woman in front of me and I wasn't going to wait for 45 minutes. I did throw all the rat rubbish in the skip, it was very heavy so that was my mini workout. Found a little dead mouse under one of the bags, poor thing.

My gym membership is up in August and I'm considering going to a "proper" gym, mine is just a circuit place and I think that its pretty good for toning, not sure that it adds that much to weight loss really. It works for me as its quite quick but I think that I'm getting to the stage where I need more. Will continue to think about it.

I know that a lot of us are thinking and praying (if that's your thing) of others at the moment.

Could I ask for you to think positive thoughts for my sister please?

She's called Rachel, she's 33 and has been trying to have a baby for quite a few years, she is going through IVF at the moment, she had her eggs collected yesterday and had a call this morning to say that 3 have fertilised and are doing ok at the moment (2 didn't make it)

The whole process has been really tough and I know that she would be devastated if it didn't work, I really don't know how she'll cope. Thank you x

Negativity

Was just considering what to write any its all really negative. So I'm going to spit all out and then try and readdress the balance.

The scale is still saying 14st 12lbs (208 lbs) I'm frustrated and annoyed and this is the worst thing for me, it makes me think that there is no point, I then snack and make bad choices.

There is some of that going on now, evenings are killers for me.

I am exercising, I am in the main eating healthy high protein meals, I have booked a fill for the 25th of February.

But, I weigh under 15 stone, I haven't been under this in years and years and years. I am happyish about how I look, I want to be smaller and look better but I'm ok just now.

I don't measure myself but I know that even though my weight isn't going down I am smaller, I can feel more bone under the blubber!

I have some nice clothes that fit just right!

That's all, the scale is still here, I am going to get rid, in fact I just got a skip delivered to take away all the compost rat rubbish and I might do a symbolic throwing the scale in it. I might.

Have a good day all.